This is the device whose box I discarded a couple of years ago - as you can see, it's a child-friendly combination of turquoise and purple. It's been hanging around collecting dust, not because I went off popcorn, but rather because I killed it. And I killed it with greed - I stuffed it full of popping corns so much that it choked and died. I've been in denial about that.

Let's get things straight: I bought a popcorn making machine, designed to appeal to children; then I went on an orgy of popcorn making so obscene that it ended in the bloated corpse of said popcorn machine. And then I kept the corpse hanging around because I couldn't bear to think of what I'd done.

I'm not making a very good account of myself here.

Actually, and not in mitigation (because what could?) I should mention that the machine was very loud, obviously a waste of energy (essentially a repurposed hair dryer), and that when it spat out popcorn, the popcorn went everywhere (I don't think it had really been product tested), so it wasn't perfect.

Still, I can't help but feel I killed Bambi through negligence and greed. Mostly greed.