If you look carefully, you'll see that this batch of shredded paper contains kinds of paper that the council don't want us to put in the recycling - brown paper envelopes, for example. But in it went anyway, because:

• I didn't realise until I'd got to the recycling bins and read the signage on it (I'd read the sign before, but it's quite specific and complicated, and I'd forgotten exactly what was in and what was out).


• There was actually no way in which I was going to turn around, go home and painstakingly pick out the proscribed shreds of paper before returning with the council approved ones. It grieves me to say that, I really ought to try harder, but it's true.


• I don't think they're in a position to be picky, frankly.

It's a strange development that now everything that has any identifying information on it at all has to be shredded, on account of the dreaded Identity Thieves. When did this start? I got my shredder a couple of years ago, but it was largely because of Gadget Lust rather than any serious attempt at protecting myself.

What I really need is a gerbil to live in it.

Should I be offended if someone steals my identity and then decides they don't like it and tries to give it back? Is it possible to trade it in for a better identity, one with straighter teeth and better social skills? How much does the insurance pay out on a stolen identity, and does it cover counselling?

Inquiring minds would like to know.